tittytattoo:

why text ONE heart when you can text THREE and still have them be big! thats my motto

burgrs:

*cat rubbing face on me*

me: oh hello!:) youre so sweet. *pets*

cat: Im Just Adorable Little Stinky Boy And Im Rubbing My Scent Glands Right On Your And Thats All There Is To It!

nananana-bpdman:

Me: I’m totally independent, I don’t need anyone’s help

Also me:

lubricates:

me: and would you like a hot wheels or barbie toy with that, ma'am?

woman: uh… it’s for a boy.

me: okay congratulations

me: do you want a hot wheels or barbie toy

woman: i want a boy toy please

me: haha dont we all

woman:

me:

me: so do you want a hot wheels or barbie toy you have to choose

telapathetic:

“buy me mcdonalds and touch my butt”